I am falling fast Does anyone care?
by Danie Swift
Summary: America is depressed and has become almost suicidal. What will happen when his family finds out though. Most likely will become RusAme since I love that pairing. Rated M for suicidal actions, depression, as well as just to be on the safe side.
1. Chapter 1

**First time writing an angsty story so lets see how it goes. Also a depressed America for some reason turns into a great story a lot of times.**

**I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters.**

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America's P.O.V.

'No one cares about me.' Alfred thought as he brought the blade to his skin once again. It was a sad, depressing rainy day, much like his mood. "I wonder if anyone would miss me if I died." He wondered aloud. Alfred then got up and moved to the kitchen to look at the calendar. It didn't hold any more food as it once had. He had stopped eating anything months ago. "There was a meeting today, shit. Well it doesn't matter, they won't miss me anyway." He said with a sad smile.

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Over at the World Conference

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England's P.O.V.

"Where the bloody hell is America?! That dolt is usually here by now." He said, starting to get worried. "Well maybe he is just zick or zomething?" France said. "Yes, but he should at least call to say so, especially since the meeting is being held in his country this time." Arthur replied.

Americas P.O.V.

After debating for a while on whether or not he should actually show up to the World Conference he had arrived. The conference was taking place in America this year so it didn't take too long before he arrived where it was being held at. 'Why am I even here, no one likes me anyway.' He thought while walking into the building. "America, where the bloody hell have you been!?" England screeched down the hall. "Sorry dude, something urgent came up and I didn't have time to notify anyone." He said while plastering his famous Hollywood smile on his face. All his smiles were forced now as well as his laugh, though no one seemed to notice. "Whatever, just hurry up already, you are late enough as it is!" England exclaimed, not noticing how empty Alfred looked when he had stopped smiling. "Sure Iggy, let's go!" He said, forcing the same Holly wood grin as before. "You git, I told you not to call me that!" England said while grabbing his arm jerking him towards the room where the meeting was being held. When England grabbed his arm Alfred was barely able to hold back a pained gasp from the cuts on his arms being grabbed so roughly. As soon as he entered the room though, he wished he hadn't come at all. "Wow. So the fat ass finally decided to show up!" Some country shouted. "He was probably stuffing his face with that disgusting fast food again." Another yelled. All the comments killed him bit by bit on the inside, yet the mask he had never broke. With his Hollywood grin still plastered on his face he said. "Sorry dudes something urgent came up." "Something urgent, yeah right." A random country scoffed. "Aiyah I agree. He can't even pay off his debt to me." "Everyone shut up!" Germany screamed. "Now that America is here ve can start the Vorld Conference." Germany then said making all the other nations shut up immediately. America then took his seat as the first one came up to present. 'This is going to be a long meeting.' He thought.

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**And there you have it. Reviews would be nice but no flames please. I will try to update this story at least once a week maybe more. Also I have experienced depression along with cutting myself so please don't put that I don't know what its like. It is a very serious issue and it should not be ignored. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is the second chapter. Also I would love it if you would review my story because reviews equal love! Plus I want to know what you think of the story so far.**

**I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters.**

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After the meeting Alfred went home and trudged up to the bathroom, he didn't care anymore. He picked up one of the blades lying on the sink after rolling up his shirt sleeve and started to carve fat ass into his arm along with so many other words. "No one cares about me, I'm just a stupid fat ass who can't do anything right." He said, cutting into his forearm more. After he made 10 more different cuts, blood was starting to drip down his arm and on to the floor. Suddenly he heard someone knocking at the door. 'Who on earth could that be.' he wondered. He quickly got up, pulling his sleeves down walked to the door. In a moment of carelessness though, he forgot to clean up the blood and put away the blade. He calmly walked over towards the door and pull it open to reveal a soaking wet Canada. Alfred'so eyes widened with fear but he quickly calmed down.

Canada's P.O.V.

'I wonder what Alfred is doing. He was acting odd earlier during the meeting.' Matthew thought idly. When he arrived at the house he became more worried. 'Weird, he usually takes good care of his lawn. Now it is all over grown.' Walking up the steps he knocked at the door. Alfred answered moments later. "Hey Alfred, are you alright." I asked. "Yeah bro. What brought this up?" he replied. "Oh nothing, you were acting a little strange during the meeting and I got worried." I said. "Hmm. . . Really? Well whatever, I'm fine Mattie." He replied. "If you say so." Then I noticed his arm. Blood was starting to leak through his shirt and drip down his hand. I "Alfred. . . What happened to your arm?" I then said, fear evident in my voice. His eyes flashed with panic and fear, that was all the confirmation I needed. I grabbed his arm and pulled the sleeve back. His entire arm was covered in cuts. "Alfred. . . Why? Why did you do this." I said, holding back sobs. Alfred just stood there looking at the floor speechless. I dragged him into the living room. "Are there any others?" I asked, trying to get him to talk. "Yes." he finally replied after a few long moments. "Let me bandage them please." I asked a sad look clearly showing on my face. "Ok." he said sitting down on the couch. I went to get the first aid kit in the bathroom and saw the bloodied knife and trail of blood on the sink and floor. I grabbed the first aid kit. This was more important for now. Opening it, I noticed with a heavy heart that it had very little bandages left. 'Just how long has this been going on for?' I wondered. Bringing the kit down I started to bandage his arms. "I'm going to have to go buy more bandages so you stay here ok." I said. He nodded meekly in return. As soon as I got outside i took out my phone and dialed England's number. "England. You better get over to America's house now. He has been cutting himself. It also looks like he's been starving himself as well." I said crying. I then heard something drop in the background. "What. . .I'm going to call France. We will be there as soon as possible." England replied, the shock showing in his voice. "Ok." I said still sobbing.

England's P.O.V.

I fell to the ground, my back hitting the cupboards. 'Why?. . . Just why? Why would he do this to himself.' I thought, tears forming in my eyes. Taking out my phone I dialed France's number. After it rang a few times he finally picked up. "E'llo." "France you need to get over to America's house right now." I said, my voice wavering noticeably. "Eh. Angleterre what's wrong?" he asked. "America has been cutting himself, and from what Canada said he has been starving himself as well." After saying this my breath hitched. I then heard France drop his phone. I smirked for a second but it was quickly retracted. "Merde. What. . . He's cutting himself. . . And starving himself. . ."He said slowly. "Yes. . .That's what Canada told me." "Ok, I'm on my way there right now." He finally said after a few moments. "So am I. I just wanted to let you know. Bye" "Bye" He said. Then he hung up. I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket. 'What is happening.' I thought while hurrying to my car to get to the airport.

America's P.O.V.

'Great they found out. Wonder what will happen now. Why couldn't they have just left me alone!' I thought letting out a sigh. 'Why do they even care. They always are making fun of me. I want to cut now. I mean, they probably think I am a wimp now anyway.' I quickly decided to do it trudging up to the bathroom. Thankfully Mattie hadn't gotten rid of it. After making about 10 or so cuts I heard the door open. 'Shit!' I tossed the blade down and rushed downstairs. Mattie had just entered the house.

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**And BOOM there you have it! Hope you have enjoyed the story so far and continue to enjoy it. Until next time!**

**Angleterre : England**

**Merde : Shit, or crap.**


	3. Chapter 3

**And yay I can update today. Sorry its been a while. I meant to update sooner but I was not able to access the computer at the time. Please review so I know you people like it.**

**I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters.**

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Canada's P.O.V.

"Alfred?" I called out. Seconds later he came downstairs. "Come on over and sit on the couch please, we need to bandage them." I looked him over and noticed with a heavy heart that there were now even more cuts than before I had left. "Alfred. . ." I said trying to contain the sobs while walking over to hug him.

America's P.O.V.

'Wait, what. He's hugging me. . . No. It can't be true. No one cares about me. Especially him. I mean, I overshadow him constantly. He isn't recognized or remembered because of me. He would be happy if I was gone.' "Alfred. Whatever you're thinking, it isn't true. I love you, and so do England and France." He said, voice shaking. "Come on. We need to bandage your cuts." He then said voice not wavering as much. I then walked over to the couch and sat down.

Time skip of a few hours!~

Alfred's cuts were finally bandaged and he lay passed out on the couch. Canada watched him for a few minutes, smiling at how peaceful he looked. He then heard a knock on the door. "Coming!" He said as loud as his voice would allow. When he got to the door and opened it, France and England were standing outside. "Where is he? Is alright currently?" England said worry evident in his voice. "Try to be quiet he is sleeping currently. France would you like to come with me to get some groceries? I took a look around his kitchen and there isn't really any food. Maybe a few apples, but other than that there is nothing." Matthew said sadness still apparent in his voice. "Alright, let'z go and get zome zhen." France said, surprisingly subdued. 'The shock of it all must not have worn off yet.' England thought, 'Though then again it would be surprising if it had.' England walked into the living room to find America bandaged up and passed out on the couch. He smiled at how peaceful he looked but was shocked to see how much he was bandaged up. He began to silently cry thinking 'why, why did he do this.'

Time skip of about an hour~

France and Canada had just come back from shopping for groceries when Alfred began to wake up. "Mattie…?" He said sleepily.

England's P.O.V.

I was in the room next door when I heard something. I walked into the living room to find that Alfred had just woken up. "Alfred." I said walking over to him.

America's P.O.V.

"Huh? Oh hey Iggy." I said rubbing my eyes. "Hi." He said sadness tainting his voice. I looked away from him. "I'll be right back. I'm going to go help Canada and France with something." He said awkwardly and then quickly left the room. 'He doesn't even want to look at me. Am I that fat. Am I so repulsive that he doesn't want to look at me. Yes that must be it because what other reason would there be!' Alfred thought, choking back a sob. 'Ahh. France is here as well. . . I wonder why.'

Canada's P.O.V.

"Ok France looks like it is about lunchtime; and I don't know about you guys but America and I definitely have not eaten yet, so if you could please make something, that would be nice."

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**And there you have it. Wow, I just noticed how short my chapters are. Well whatever there is still a storyline so hey. Thanks for reading my story! DanieSwift out!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it took a while. I got my computer for school on Wednesday and started to work on the story on that computer but there are so many restrictions it ended up deleting what I had worked on as well as ruining my only working flash drive. X( I also had part of a new story on there but now I can't get it off of the flash drive because it isn't recognized by the computers. Any way here is the next chapter. A bit short because of said circumstances but whatever.**

**I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters.**

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France's P.O.V.

"Oui. . .I know I haven't eaten yet. Have you eaten yet England?" I asked. "No. . . I haven't." Arthur replied. "Ok. I'll make us all some soup then. Would you like to help me Matthew?" "Sure." He replied.

England's P.O.V.

After Francis and Mathew went into the kitchen I walked back into the living room where Alfred was. He was sitting up in the fetal position sobbing into his knees. I walked over to him and pulled him into a hug as I sat down. I felt him tense up as I did it. "Alfred. . . Promise me that you'll stop." I said failing to hold in my own sobs. "But why. Why do you guys all suddenly care about me, I mean you never cared before. . ." He said still sobbing, his voice coming out as more of a whisper. It was then I realized just how much we had broken him with what we said. For all I know his self-esteem could have been crumbling for years. "America. . . I love you. Canada loves you. France loves you. Many other countries care about you as well. So please don't continue. Please don't kill yourself." I said. "Really. Do you mean that?" He said. "Yes I do, I would miss you and many others would too."

Le Time Skip!~

England's P.O.V. still

Next thing I know I was being lightly shaken awake by France. I looked down and saw that Alfred had fallen asleep as well. Weird when did that happen. Well whatever. "Alfred." I said shaking him gently. "Hmm." He said yawning as he woke up. "It's time to eat. France made soup, you don't have to eat all of it but please eat some at least. "Fine. . . I guess so." He grumbled out. "Damn this is going to be harder than it looks."

America's P.O.V.

'Damn, why did they have to find out. I was doing just fine without them right, well at least Russia didn't find out. Hell knows what he would do with this information.'

Meanwhile in Russia (God that sounds dirty XD)

Russia's P.O.V.

'I wonder how little Amerika is doing? I'll find out soon enough I guess though because I have a meeting with him next week.' I thought walking down the halls of a government building. 'Ahh it's been so long since the last meeting I can't wait to see him. Though, he probably doesn't really want to see me.'*Frowns a little*

Back at America's House

France and Canada had just finished preparing dinner and everyone was sitting at the dining room table. "Alfred please eat." Canada said as he watched America swirl his spoon around in the soup absent mindedly. "Fine. . ." America replied as he lifted a spoonful of the soup to his lips. 'Finally' France, England and Canada thought. They watched him eat about half of the soup before he stood up and said "I going to bed." "I'll go with you." Canada said standing up. "Whatever." America replied.

America's P.O.V.

"Well throwing up is now not an option I guess but whatever." Matthew followed me up to my room. Once I got there I just flopped down onto my bed. "Gnight." I said closing my eyes. "Gnight Alfred." Mattie said turning off the lights. I fell asleep soon afterward.

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**So yay Russia finally came in. Hopefully I can keep this story going because I am starting to hit writers block a bit. We'll see though. I should be able to get the next chapter up and written in less time than it took for this chapter but school starts this upcoming Wednesday for me so I don't know. See you next chapter and please review!~**


	5. Chapter 5

**And it took way less time than the other chapter did yay! I also made it longer than the last one to make up for how short it was.**

**I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters.**

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One week later~

During the past week everything was going pretty well. America had been starting to gain weight again and they took turns changing the bandages to help the cuts heal as well as make sure that there wasn't any new ones.

America's P.O.V.

'Shit I have a meeting tomorrow with Russia. Oh my god, oh my god oh my god. He is going to use the information against me and blackmail me. Though, maybe he won't notice because all of it will be covered up by my clothes. Of course why am I worrying about this, he won't find out.' I thought as I looked at the calendar. **_'What are you talking about? Of course he will find out. You know why, it's because you're weak and pathetic! Why else do you think that the others found out about it.'_**_ '_No you shut up. He won't find out and that's that.' **_'You tell me to shut up yet you know I'm right.'_**_ '_Whatever just leave alone already.' It was then that England walked in. "Everything alright Alfred?" Arthur asked. "Yeah it's just that I have a meeting with Russia tomorrow." "Oh. Well if you're up to it." He said. "Yeah I am. Besides it's just a meeting. What could possibly go wrong." **_'Right. What could POSSIBLY go wrong? Weakling. You're so pathetic.'_**

The next day~

Russia's P.O.V.

"Ahh, there you are Amerika. Shall we get this meeting started?" I said smiling. "Sure, whatever let's get it started." America replied with his hands in his pockets. Weird. He almost never does that. Well whatever I'm sure it's nothing. Little did I know though it was far from being nothing.

One very boring meeting later ~

Still Russia's P.O.V.

"Amerika is anything wrong? You don't seem to be as happy and exuberant today." I asked. "Nah I'm fine. Just feeling a bit under the weather today, that's all." He replied before turning to walk away. I grabbed his arm and he hissed in pain, my eyes widened as I quickly turned him around and yanked up his sleeve fear flashing in his eyes. "Amerika. . . Why. Why would you do that to yourself." I asked starting to choke up a bit. "It's nothing just leave me alone." He said pulling his arm out of my grip and running down the hall to leave. I stood there in shock. 'Why would Amerika do this. Just why, doesn't he know how many people care about him.'

America's P.O.V.

'Shit he found out. Why did he have to grab my arm instead of just leaving me alone. Just why!' **_'See your weak. I told you he would find out ya damn fat stupid bastard. Should of just cancelled and rescheduled the meeting if you didn't want him to find out.' _** I turned into one of the nearest bathrooms feeling disgusted with myself and went into one of the stalls. 'Well I haven't done this in a while. Guess I'm due for it.' **_'Of course your due for it stupid. Your so disgusting, I can't believe that they have put up with you for even this long.' _** I reached my fingers down my throat until I started to choke. A few seconds later I threw up. 'There. You happy now.'

Russia's P.O.V.

I had just walked into the bathroom when I had heard retching noises. 'No. . . He couldn't possibly be doing what I think he's doing.' A minute later America came out of the bathroom. Fear flashed in his eyes again before he dashed away. 'Well I better get heading to my car I guess.' I thought with a sad smile on my face.

America's P.O.V.

'Shit does he know? Please tell me he doesn't know. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.' I thought as I reached my car. I opened the door and slammed it shut after I had climbed in. I started the car and drove back home.

Canada's P.O.V.

I heard a door slam. "Alfred?" I called out. He ran past me soon after up the stairs and up to his room. Seconds later I heard a dull thud. 'What happened?' I wondered starting to get worried. I then started up the stairs after him.

America's P.O.V.

When I reached my room I opened the door and practically slammed it shut. 'Why oh why oh why did he have to find out.' I thought starting to panic. I went to a corner in my room and sat down, curling up into a fetal position. I started rocking back and forth. **_'See dumbass. I tried to tell you but YOU wouldn't listen. No wonder most of the world hates you. You ruin everything and never listen to a damn word they say.' _**'No. It's not true.' I thought starting to cry. "Alfred, everything ok?" Matthew asked opening the door.

Canada's P.O.V.

Alfred didn't answer so I opened up the door more and walked in. I found him huddled in the corner crying. I walked over and sat down next to him pulling him into a hug. "Alfred, everything is ok. We love you. I do, England does and so does France along with many other countries." As I said this I started to rock a back and forth a bit. He soon fell fast asleep, slumping into my shoulder. I picked him up and carried him too his bed, tucking him in. "Arthur and Francis came in a second later. "Matthew what happened? We heard a thud." Francis asked whispering, seeing as how Alfred was asleep. "I tell you guys what I know when we go downstairs. I don't want to wake Alfred up." I replied. "Of course." Arthur replied.

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**And there you have it. I also just gained the rights to a story called Russia's Kiss by ** **and will be continuing it.**

**Thanks for reading everyone!**


	6. Chapter 6

**NOOOOO... My phone crashed today and just completely stopped working. Now I have to start over on the France Lemon. Ugh, thankfully all of my current on going fanfictions were already backed up. Well here you go!**

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Canada's P.O.V.

We went downstairs and into the living room. "Alright I don't know much besides the fact that he ran into the house and into his room as soon as he got home. He was crying when I saw him in his room. I don't know what caused it but I think it has to do with the meeting he had." I said. "Well he did have the meeting with Russia. . ." Arthur said. "Really, I wonder if he found out then." I said. "That is a possibility." Francis said. "Who know what he will do with that kind of information. America could be put in more danger than he has already put himself in." Arthur added. "The next World Meeting is coming up in two weeks over in Italy. We should be careful when we get there and see what he plans to do." I said afterward thinking it through. "Agreed." Arthur said.

Two weeks later at the hotel in Italy ~

They reached the hotel and got to their rooms. All of them had roommates. England was with France, Canada was with Prussia (why was he even there?) and America ended up with Russia somehow.

America's P.O.V.

I took the key to my hotel room and started up the elevator towards the floor that my room was on. I got off the elevator and soon found my room. Opening the door I found Russia sitting on one of the beds watching the T.V. 'Shit, he's my roommate! Oh no what am I going to do. What am I going to do!' I thought, fear flashing in my eyes. **_'See! You should have listened to me instead of going to that meeting. This is what you get!' _**'No. . . Just shut up!' Just then Russia turned his head and saw me in the doorway. "Ahh, Fredka. So you're my roommate." He said with a sad smile on his face. "Yeah. . ." I said slowly, fear evident in my voice. Russia noticed my voice wavering and stood up, walking over to me. When he got to me he did something I never would have expected. He hugged me. "Russia. . . What. . ." I said, shocked. "Shh Fredka." He said shutting the door before pulling me too the bed. "We need to talk." He said, continuing to hug me. He pulled me onto his lap and started to rock me back and forth. I then started to cry into his shoulder. "I won't let you hurt yourself anymore." He said continuing to rock. Soon after, I fell asleep on his shoulder.

Russia's P.O.V.

'Aww he fell asleep.' I thought as I picked him up and laid him on the bed tucking him in. 'I wonder if Canada, England, and France know about it? Maybe I should ask them.' I wondered. Just then I heard a knock on my door. I opened it up and found that oh what his name is. What was it. Oh Canada! That's his name was standing at the door. "Ahh, Matvey. What a pleasant surprise. What brings you to this room?" I asked "You know about him self-harming don't you." He said. "Da. . ." I said slowly, surprised that he knew. "If you don't mind me asking. . . Why did he do this?" I asked. "All we know is that he thinks no one cares about him. By the way, where is he?" He said. "He just fell asleep. I tucked him in right before you got here." I replied. "Hmm really. Okay. By the way you're not going to use this information to your advantage are you? You know, about him self-harming." He said. "Da. If anything I want to help him." I replied. "Ok. . . We will destroy you if you try to do anything that won't help though…" He said, an eerie aura emanating from him. "Ok . . ." I said slowly, wonder what had gotten into the normally passive Canadian. He then left and I closed the door. 'What am I going to do to help Fredka though. He will most likely fight any help. Though, his family has been helping him so far so maybe not. At least Canada has tried to help him anyway. Though, since he said we I guess France and England are in on it too.' I thought to myself. I walked back to where Alfred was sleeping and saw him tossing in his sleep. I sat down on the side of the bed and started to sing an old Russian lullaby that Ukraine used to sing to me when I was little. After that he calmed down and began to snore peacefully.

1 hour later ~

I walked back into the room after getting something to eat. 'He looks so cute.' I thought as I saw him sleeping still. He then snapped awake with a small scream. "Are you ok Amerika? Did you have a bad dream?" I asked as I saw him shiver. I walked over to him and pulled him into a hug sitting down next to him. "Would you like to tell me about it?" I asked. He said nothing but pressed into me, cowering slightly. I frowned at this. 'What happen to make him like this. . .' I wondered. "Do you want to tell me about it Fredka?" I asked again. "Not right now. . .But can you please stay?" he said facing into my body now but still cowering. "Of course." I said starting to rub in slow circles on his back. He seemed to calm down at this. "I was in a dark place and I kept hearing everyone's voices screaming at me. Then everyone was gone. They left me. . ." He finally said after a few minutes. "It's ok Fredka. I will never leave you alone, and I'm sure France, England, and Canada won't either." I said soothingly, still rubbing circles on his back. He soon fell back asleep again with me following soon afterward.

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**Hope you liked it and please review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Wow I'm really churning out the chapters lately on this story. Hopefully I can keep it up. Also my phones sd card saved the fanfics I did on my phone so yay! My France fanfic is safe. Stupid phone crashing. Apparently it was because it did a factory reset on itself.**

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America's P.O.V.

I woke up, lying next to Russia. Getting up carefully so as not to disturb him I go into the bathroom. 'Why did he have to find out. Well at least he hasn't done anything yet.' '**_YET. He hasn't done anything YET.' _**I _t_ake out the knife I had hidden in my pocket before I had left my house. How the rest of them didn't notice I will never know and frankly don't care to know. I started to cut into my arm more.

Russia's P.O.V.

I wake up to find America missing from right next to me. I walked into the bathroom to find him cutting his arm again. "Fredka no! You have to stop it!" I said quickly walking up to him and taking the knife away. He let go without much of a fight due to surprise. "But why. No one cares about me. No one. I don't blame them I mean what there to like about me." He said shanking. I pulled him up into a hug, not caring if I got blood on my coat. "I care about you so please stop. The world meeting is in a few hours so please let me bandage your arm up ok. I mean you probably don't want anyone else to find out anyway right." I said. He simply nodded his head in response. I led him back to the bed and sat him down. "Please stay here for a moment while I get the bandages da." He simply sat there not moving. I went back into the bathroom and found the bandages before going back to him. I kneeled down on the floor and grabbed his arm so I could start bandaging it. I finished bandaging it back up before going to change out of my bloodied coat. I can clean it tomorrow anyway. We sat together for a few hours watching tv before it was time to go to the world meeting. Alfred by this time had pulled on his favorite bomber jacket. We exited the room and went to the world meeting.

Time skip! Brought to you by Pasta! Just Kidding. After the World Meeting~

The World Meeting had ended relatively without a hitch somehow much to Germany's delight. By this time everyone had returned to their rooms. The fact that America's secret had not been discovered by anyone else caused America to calm down quite a bit.

America's P.O.V.

'Well no one found out so that's good I guess. Though I started to cut again, damn why am I so weak!' I though walking into the bathroom. 'Well it's been awhile" I thought as I reached my fingers down my throat, soon enough I started to gag. Thankfully at this point Russia had left to go get something so he wasn't here. After throwing up I washed my hand off and brushed my teeth in hopes to get the awful taste of food and bile out of my mouth. Just then I heard the door close. 'Shit is Russia back already?' I wondered.

Time rewind a bit ~

Russia's P.O.V.

'I need to talk to France, England, and Canada about Fredka. They probably know more than me about it.' I thought exiting the meeting. 'Ahh there is Canada.' "Canada! Here you are." I said walking over to him. He turned his head and I continued. "Do you think we could meet in a few minutes, with England and France too?" I asked him. "Eh. Whatever for?" he replied looking somewhat confused. "It's about America." I said and a look of realization crossed his face. "Oh sure. Of course, I'll go tell them now. Where do you want to meet?" He said. "How about we meet back here in the meeting room about half an hour from now." I said in reply. "Ok. I'll go tell them now" He said going off to get them. I headed back to the room with Alfred and started to plan out what I was exactly going to do about this. A half an hour passed by fairly quickly and I left to go meet up with the others. With a quick goodbye to Alfred I was off.

Back in the meeting room ~

No one's P.O.V.

France, England and Canada were already in the meeting room by the time that Russia had arrived. "Russia why did you want to meet with us about America?" England asked as soon as Russia had walked into the room. "Well. I had caught America cutting earlier. I also know that this is not his first time. I would like to watch over him to see that he gets better. If you are all ok with it of course." Russia said in reply. "Well if he is cutting again why isn't anyone with him." Canada said almost growling. "You don't have to worry about that. I took away the knife he was using and it doesn't look like he brought another knife on him other than the one I took away." Russia said.

Russia's P.O.V.

'I do hope that the let me stay with him.' He thought. "Well I kind of want to stay with him myself. . ." England said. "Don't you have work though? I won't have anything for the next couple months and even if something comes up I can have it emailed to me." I said, a creepy smile appearing on my face. At this all of them except for Canada began to cower a little. "I guess so. . . I mean what's the worst that could happen." Canada finally said after a while. "Ok. . ." France and England said, semi hesitantly. "Ok then. It is all settled." Well I better being going back now so America doesn't do anything bad." I said starting to head back to the room. After a few minutes I reached the room and went in. I noticed that Alfred was not in the room so I went to the bathroom and sure enough America came out. "Ahh Fredka. It has been decided that you will stay with me at my place.

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**Thanks for reading everyone! Hope you continue to enjoy the story!**


	8. Chapter 8

Why are options being taken away! I can't do the line anymore! Well whatever I can still create one with the underscore key. Anyway here is the next chapter. :)

America's P.O.V.

'Wait. . . I'll be staying at Russia's place. . . Whatever I guess I better pack warm clothes then.' I thought after he said that. "Whatever." I said, sighing. I walked over to the bed and flopped down. "I'm tired anyway so gnight." "But it's only 4pm." Russia replied. "Whatever I'm taking a nap." I said a little grumpily, turning over. "Whatever. Good night Fredka." Russia then said and left the room. I fell asleep moments later.

Russia's P.O.V.

I left the room and went into the bathroom noticing immediately that it smelled of faintly of throw up. 'No. . . He couldn't have. Not again, I'm going to have to stay on top of him if I want to get him to stop.' I thought frown adorning my face. Everyone will be leaving for their respective countries tomorrow. I better take Fredka back to his house so he can get warmer clothes before we head back to my house.' I thought walking back out. He was snoring slightly in his sleep seemingly peaceful. I smiled. 'He looks so cute in his sleep.' I sat there watching him for a while before I got bored. I pulled out the book I brought with me and started to read.

2 hours later~

Russia's P.O.V.

After having finished my book I went downstairs to get some dinner. I decided to get Chicken Noodle soup for America since he might not want anything else. After grabbing the trays I walked upstairs to the room. As soon as I entered I noticed America was beginning to wake up. "Fredka. I got you some chicken noodle soup. Please eat it for me." He grumbled a bit before sitting up and taking the bowl from my hands. He hesitated a bit before taking a spoonful. "See it's not so bad." I said trying to be encouraging. He ate half the soup before setting it aside. "So. . . I'm staying at your place huh." He said slowly. "Ahh yes, I talked about it with France, England, and Canada. They were fine with it." I said with a small smile adorning my face. "I see." he replied, not sounding like he cared. "Da… We will be stopping at your house so you can get appropriate clothes." "That's cool." He replied.

Kind of short but whatever. I'll try to do a longer chapter next time. Please continue to read my story.


	9. Chapter 9

_OK so it looks like _I can't _do a hori_zontal line anymore but oh well. Anyway here is the next chapter my author notes will now be underlined.

_I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters in it. _

Time Skip~

They had just arrived at Russia's house after getting America the proper clothes from his own house.

Russia's P.O.V.

"Here we are Fredka." I said as we pulled up in the driveway. "Cool house." He said as we got out of the car. I smiled at this. "Well, let's get in and I will show you where to put your things." I said unlocking the door. We both walked in before I shut the door. "Follow me so I can show you where you will be sleeping." I said, going up the stairs with him following close behind. I led him to my room. "You're ok with us staying in the same room right." I said, figuring he wouldn't care. "Yeah. That's fine." He said a bit dully. He set his stuff down and then we went back downstairs. "I'm going to make something to eat ok. Just stay here and it will be done momentarily." With that said I walked into the kitchen and started to prepare Borscht for us to eat. 'This should be good for him to eat. It's not too heavy and fairly nutritious.'

Time skip of a few minutes~

Still Russia's P.O.V.

"Fredka the food is ready!" I called out. Soon enough he came into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I poured him a bowl and set it down in front of him. "Please try and eat all of it." He just simply nodded his head. I got myself a bowl and then sat down. "So… What do you want to do after this?" I asked trying to break the silence. "I don't know. Want to watch a movie?" He said after taking a tentative bite of the soup. "Sounds fine to me." I said, taking a bite of my own soup. We continued to eat in silence and much to my delight he finished the entire bowl like I had wanted him to do. "Let's change your bandages before we watch the movie ok." I said, leading him up to the bathroom. He took off his shirt and pants. That's when I saw the rest of the bandages. I knew he had cut his arms but not the rest of his body. I then started the process of un-wrapping his bandages. I gasped after un-wrapping all the bandages. I knew he had cut but I didn't think that it was this bad. He had words carved everywhere on his body. Some weren't even words. They were just gashes. I got a rag wet and started to clean out all of the cuts and gashes. I was saddened to know that he was in so much pain. Once I had rewrapped all of them in bandages I hugged him. He started to tense up a bit but soon relaxed. We just sat there like that for a moment before we pulled apart. "Let's go back and watch a movie then. . ." I said, a faint blush adorning my cheeks. I looked back to Fredka and saw that his cheeks were a light pink as well. 'Aww he looks so cute like that. I hope he can stay that way soon. . .' We walked downstairs and I led him to the living room. "Well here is my collection of dvd's." I said opening the cabinet they were stored in. He stood there looking at all the titles before finally picking one.

America's P.O.V.

I stood there looking at all the different movies Russia had. Some of them being in English which surprised me, in the end though I chose a RomCom. "How does this one sound." I said, taking it out and holding it up for him to see. "Hmm. Seems good." He said, and with that I took it out of its case and put it into the dvd tray. Russia turned the T.V. on and the movie loaded up. Clicking play we started the movie, relaxing comfortably on the couch.

Time skip~

Russia's P.O.V.

After the movie was over I looked down at America who had fallen asleep on my shoulder. I smiled down at him as I picked him up and carried him bridal style back to the room. I had prepared another bed earlier for this purpose. I laid him down and tucked him in. 'Well look at that. I should probably get some sleep as well. I then went to brush my teeth and change before finally laying down and falling asleep.

Time skip~ (Wow so many.)

America's P.O.V.

I woke up groggily in a bed. 'Funny. I never remember falling asleep.' I thought, sitting up I noticed Russia snoring peacefully on the other bed. "MMhhhmmggg. Fredka?" He said just as groggily as I was sitting up. "Yeah." I said, my voice sounding really hoarse from not being used in a while. He yawned before getting up out of the bed and. . . 'Omg he has a six pack!' no shirt on. I started to blush. He then came over and put his hand to my head. "Fredka? Are you ok?" He asked. "Yeah totally dude!" I said a bit too quickly. He looked a bit unconvinced but relented thankfully. "Well we should change your bandages again. . ." He then got up and headed into the bathroom. I followed him into there once again and he began what he did last night before we watched the movie. Once he finished we walked down stairs and got something to eat for breakfast. Russia ended up making me some vegetable soup which ended up being pretty good. Then we both lounged around his house. "Alfred. . . If you don't mind me asking. . . Why did you do all this to yourself?" Russia said slowly. "I was just tired. Tired of it all, tired of the fact that everyone seems to hate me, and that no one can ever seem to say anything nice to me. All the hate. I can't stand all of the hate." I said, tears starting to form in my eyes. Russia gave me a slightly sympathetic look before coming over to me and giving me a hug, I leaned into him more. He smiled and we just stayed like that for a while. I sighed with content. "Would you like to take a walk?" He said after a few minutes. I thought for a minute. "You know what, why not." After that he released me and I went upstairs to grab my coat. While not currently snowing out it was still pretty chilly. We went out and walked the streets before stopping at a park. The flowers were in full bloom. "Huh. It is spring here isn't it." I said a bit surprised. "Da. It is currently spring. All the flowers are in bloom and it is wonderful. It is like hope for a better future." He said staring at the flowers with a smile on his face. I smiled and for once it wasn't forced. Russia seemed to notice this. "Ah Fredka. Your smile looks much nicer when it isn't forced." 'Wait did he notice all this time? Is it that he didn't want to say anything about it?' He must of noticed the surprise on my face because he said "Yes. I did notice Fredka. I noticed from the very beginning that all of your smiles and laughs were being forced. Just please promise me that you won't ever go back to something like this again." He then hugged me real quick before letting go. "We should probably head home now, da?" He said a bit sheepishly. We walked the streets and headed back to his house, the temperature starting to drop slightly. 'Maybe he isn't so bad after all.' I thought, a faint blush starting to adorn my cheeks. 'Thank god he is walking in front of me.'

Russia's P.O.V.

'Well so far so good I guess, though only time can tell. Hopefully he won't relapse and start up again.' We continue to walk down the streets until we finally reached my house. 'Thank goodness Belarus hasn't shown up yet though.' "Looks like it's lunch time. Is there anything you want in particular Fredka?" "Nah not really Ivan." He replied. 'He used my name. This is a good step in the right direction.' I smiled. 'How about I make him blini, he should like that.'

_There you have it. Hope you all continue to enjoy my story and please review! _


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok going to say this first Sorry not sorry, because I went with what I wanted to do for this chapter since the inspiration struck me. Anyway I hope you enjoy. **

**I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters in it.**

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America's P.O.V.

Maybe living with Russia isn't such a bad idea after all. He is actually pretty nice. I watched him bustle around in the kitchen making food for both of us. 'Hm. Russia is actually pretty cute. What no I did not just think that.' I blushed at the thought and looked down. "Fredka the food is ready." Russia said coming into the room. "Ok I'm coming." Walking into the room I saw these things that looked like pancakes. "Are those pancakes?' I asked. "In a sense yes, they are called blini." "Oh. Well they look delicious." I said, almost starting to drool at the smell. Russia smiled at this. "Haha well go ahead a dig in then." "I think I will." I said as I took one. Taking a bite of it I grinned. 'This is like a pancake. Wow this is pretty good!' "Nice. You're a pretty good cook Russia." I said after I finished chewing. I saw him smile. "Spasiba" He said slipping into his native tongue from joy.

Russia's P.O.V.

'We have grown so close lately. I wonder what will happen next.' I thought as I finished up eating my own food. "Why don't you go relax while I clean up everything ok."

Little did they know that tonight would not be as happy for them.

Time skip to tonight~

By this time America was lying on the bed wide awake, just staring off into space while Russia was downstairs doing something.

America's P.O.V.

**_'_****_You shouldn't get to comfortable fat ass. Russia is only doing this so he can take you over since your too stupid to realize otherwise.' _**'NO NO NO He actually cares.' **_'HA RIGHT! Why would anyone want to put up with your stupid ass unless to take you over.'_**

At this point America had started to scratch at his arms, causing the bandages and cuts to reopen and his blood to spill onto the bed. Russia walked into the room just as America had sat up and curled into a fetal position still scratching at his newly bloodied arms.

Russia's P.O.V.

"ALFRED NO!" I shouted in surprise as I saw his arms bloody once more. "nO oNE CaRes. No OnE." He said creepily and at that point I had had enough. "Alfred I care about you and so do many others." I said but it was like he couldn't hear me. "No NoOnE CArE's aBOuT mE." He said rocking back and forth. With this I picked him up and threw him over my knee before grabbing a hairbrush off of the dresser. "If you refuse to believe me then I guess I will have to resort to other methods to show you." With this I yanked his pants and underwear down, thankfully finding that he had no cuts on his legs at least. I raised the hair brush before bringing it down hard on his bottom. He yelped and tried to wiggle out of my grip but I held him tight. "You will not be getting out of this one America." As much as I hated this I continued to rain spanks down on his behind. SMACK, SMACK, SMACK SMACK. I continued this for about 5 minutes when I finally heard him moan in pain and his resolve began to crumble right in front of my eyes. I then gave him a particularly hard spot to one of his sensitive sit spots, at this he began to cry. I began to alternate spots on both sit spots continuing to spank him and not long afterward he was bawling. I finally set down the hairbrush and pulled him up into a sitting position after pulling his pants and underwear back up, him yelping slightly as I did so. When he was up and sitting on my lap he latched on to my shoulder and cried into neck. It was then that I decided to speak. "Fredka. . . We care about you. You need to realize this. We don't want to lose you. We love you. I love you." At this I blushed with having finally confessed my feelings. "Do you really?" He said, voice shaking. "Yes I do Fredka." "You know what Ivan. . . I love you too." And with that he pulled my head down a bit and kissed me. I stayed still surprised for a moment but soon started to kiss him back. He moaned into the kiss and I bit his lower lip. He gasped and opened his mouth. I then slipped my tongue into his mouth and started to suck. He moaned more. He then broke off for air. "Damn you're a good kisser Vanya. . ." I picked him up and carried him into the bathroom to wrap his arms again. Once I was finish he then started to drift off. "Good night Fredka." I said, cheeks tinged with pink because of what he had called me. "Sleep tight." I then laid him gently on the bed. He grabbed my arm as I tried to leave. "Please stay." "Ok Fredka." With that I came back and laid down on the bed next to him. He shifted his position and then snuggled into me. "Gnight Vanya." And with that we both fell into a peaceful slumber.

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**Again Sorry not Sorry. But yeah there is the latest chapter. Hope you all enjoyed it and continue to read! sorry for the short chapters as well. **


	11. Chapter 11

Russia's P.O.V.

I woke up to find Alfred still beside me sleeping peacefully. 'Aww he is so cute sleeping like that.' I moved my free hand up to his head and started to stroke it through his hair. He seemed too relax more and nuzzled closer into me. I smiled and shifted us both into a more comfortable position. He stirred in his sleep and not long afterward he began to wake up. He blinked a few times before yawning and stretching. He winced a bit when he stretched out his legs. "Oww. My ass hurts still." He said while rubbing his sore butt. "Of course it does Fredka, it has only been an hour since I spanked you." "Still though." "Well lets get the sheets on the other bed treated and in the wash before getting ready for bed and going back to sleep ok. " "Ok." We both got up and I took the sheets off of the bed. After treating them and putting them in the washer we went back upstairs and got ready for bed. "Come here Fredka. I don't have any extra sheets so you shall sleep with me tonight. I got in the bed and moved over some holding the covers so he could get in. "Ok." He said climbing on in. "Goodnight Fredka." I said wrapping my arm's around him. "Goodnight Vanya." With this he snuggled into me as I turned off the light. Soon after we were both fast asleep once again.

Time skip~

America's P.O.V.

I woke up curled into Russia and encased in his arms. I smiled and snuggled closer. He seemed to notice my movement because a second later he stirred in his sleep and woke up hugging me tighter. "Want to get up dorogoy?" "Not really Vanya. I want to stay like this for awhile." "Ok" he said. We stayed like this for a few minutes before my stomach growled. I blushed with embarrassment. "Well that's a good sign. How about we get up and go get breakfast , da." With this he let go of me and got up. I got up as well and followed him into the kitchen. "Is there anything in particular? Or do you want some of the left over soup?" "I will have some of the leftover soup. Borscht right?" "Da." Russia then bustled around the kitchen getting out bowls and the soup so we could eat. We had just finished breakfast when my phone rang. I picked it up "Hello?" "Hello America. France, Canada, and I wanted to know how you were doing. Are you all right?" "I'm fine now Iggy. . ." "First of all I have told you time and time again not to call me that you got. Secondly. . . What do you mean that your ok now. . . Did something happen?" ". . ." "You know what. . . Is Russia in the room with you?" "Yes he is." "Can you please hand the phone over to him so that we can talk." "Sure. . ." I passed the phone to Russia. "England wants to talk to you." He simply nodded and took the phone.

Russia's P.O.V.

"Privet England" "Hello Russia. Did anything happen to America over there? He said he was fine now. . ." "Oh he had an episode yesterday where he scraped all of the cuts on his arms open. I was able to stop him thankfully before he did any worse." "I see. . ." He finally said after a few moments, seemingly disheartened. "Well I am going to go tell the others then. Good bye." "Good bye England." Russia hung up. "Is there anything you would like to do today in particular dogoroy? I can show you around if you would like." "Sure. Just let me get some warmer clothes on."

Over At Englands house~

England's P.O.V.

I stood there for a minute after I had hung up before I walked into the kitchen where France and Canada were. I sat down in an empty chair and let out a sigh. "Iz zomething zhe matter Angletere?" "Yes. America apparently scratched all the cuts open again in a fit. Thankfully Russia was able to stop him before he could do anything worse." "Well zhat iz good at leazt." France said. "Yeah eh. I hope Al doesn't get worse though. Or relapse for that matter." Canada said after France. "I guess." I said after releasing another sigh.

Time skip~

Back over in Russia

Russia had finished showing America around.

Russia's P.O.V.

"Looks like it is lunch time already, da. How about we head back to my house so we can get something to eat?" "Fine with me." America said. With that we began the journey home. Pulling up into the driveway I noticed some one at the front door. It was Belarus. America and I got out of the car after I turned it off. We finally got up to the porch. "Belarus what are you doing here?" "To see you of course brother, why is the Amerikan Pig here though?"


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters in it. **

Russia's P.O.V.

"Belarus he is not a pig. . ." I replied sighing. America hid behind me slightly not looking very comfortable in the current situation. "Well still then, why is he here?" She said slightly agitated. "He is here on diplomatic matters and such." I replied smoothly. She sighed, hunching slightly before straightening up again. "Well anyway Ukraine told me to tell you about the next world meeting which will be taking place in Moscow a month from now." She said before starting to leave. "Ahh is that so. Well спасибо for telling me this." I said letting out a silent sigh of relief that she did not bother America about being here. "калі ласка " She said before walking to her car and driving off. "Well ok. . ." America said slowly. "All matters aside lets go inside Fredka. It's not good to stay in the cold for too long." He nodded his head as I unlocked the door. He walked in and I soon followed. "So. Anything you would like to do?" "Can we cuddle?…" He asked, looking quite bashful and blushing. "Yes. Why don't we go up to the bedroom and watch T.V. and cuddle up there. He started to head upstairs but I surprised him by picking him up bridal style and carrying him up the stairs and into the bedroom. "Hey! I can walk by myself you know!" He said blushing with a childish pout forming on his face. "Da, I know. But can't we both have a little fun every once in a while?" I said while setting him down on the bed. As soon as I went to get the remote he grabbed my arm and yanked me down onto the bed. "Oof" I sounded when I landed. "Fredka. . . How are we supposed to watch T.V.; if you won't let me get the remote?" I said starting to sit up. "Let's just cuddle ok . . . He said, starting to blush again. "Ok Fredka, whatever you want." I crawled up next to him and he curled into me, sighing contently. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly, close to my body. This seemed to reassure and comfort the young American. "I love you Vanya." "I love you too Fredka." We stayed like this for a while and I drifted into sleep, my arms tightly wrapped around him.

America's P.O.V.

'I'm glad I came with him to his house. Everything's so nice as well. . . I guess people do care after all.' I sighed snuggling closer to Ivan. **_'Again with the bullshit of someone cares. Please. Why would anyone care about you. Your all alone. All they want is your land you useless piece of shit.' _**My body became tense and I gritted my teeth. Ivan seemed to notice something was up and stirred in his sleep a bit before waking up. "Is something wrong Fredka?" He said looking groggily down at me. I just stayed as I was, tensed and wrapped up in my own thoughts. I looked up at him when he started to pet my hair. "hmm" I sounded out and he pulled me into a hug. "Everything is ok Fredka. Your loved and nothing can change that. Whatever you are telling yourself isn't true." I snuggled in to him closer and started to cry. He rubbed circles on my back comforting me. "Why won't it leave me alone…" "Why won't what leave you alone?" "This voice. . . it won't leave me alone…" I said grabbing my head and clenching them. Taking fistfuls of hair I tensed up and curled into myself crying harder. Ivan then wrapped me up in his arms and pulled me on too his lap, starting to rock he continued to try and calm me down with it working so far. I eventually stopped crying and all you could hear was me sniffling. I collapsed onto Ivan and finally fell asleep exhausted.

Russia's P.O.V.

'I wonder how long he has been holding these feelings back, if he has been holding them back it only makes sense that they are all coming out now. I still better keep an eye on him.' "Спокойной ночи любовь моя."

**Translations**

**Спокойной ночи любовь моя - Goodnight my love.**

**спасибо - thank you**

**калі ласка - you're welcome**


End file.
